…continuing

I didn’t know what to say about his writing. He was bothered by something that I had never experienced in that way. I still didn’t know what was exactly going on. A few more minutes of talking, and I realize that he’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia. He doesn’t think he has a problem himself. And I can understand that. No one wants to give in. Professional medical advice or not. We all like to think we’re perfectly fine. Denial is a good tool for all of us.
He still looks all around the room before he can get a sentence out. And he changes his position on the chair every minute or so. Later on, he admits he’s had a problem with alcohol and drugs. That he’s been through programs to help him with his problems. And I can only make a guess as to whether it’s been long since he got rid of his habits.
After this introduction, we talked about almost everything. He told me about his experiences and his history. How he has travelled all over the US. Sleeping where he can. Just living the nomad life. He seems like a very intelligent person. C has an interesting point of view on a lot of different issues. And having studied to be a journalist, I see that he has the critical view point of a journalist.

His visit was a nice reminder of the real world that exists outside the campus life. That people have to deal with more unbearable truths than me and most other students my age. Here I am completely immersed in something not too unlike a rate maze. I do a certain sequence of (somewhat) inconsequential tasks. I am rewarded for them and given a pellet, or degree. And in my four years I have not made much contribution to the society that welcomed me here. I’ve not made life any easier for people like my own neighbour! I would not have known of his problem had he not approached me. And really, how many “residents” of this city do I know?

C left after two hours. He had mentioned that he read and enjoyed a certain magazine. I happened to read that same publication a while back and had a few copies around the house. I lent him a copy. Not so I could feel better about anything. Just so there is an excuse for more interaction between the two of us.

It’s about 6:30. Friday evening. I’m sitting at home, flipping through channels. Trying to distract my mind from thinking about the work I have to do. And it’s been working.
I hear a knock on the door… We don’t get visitors here. Only the land lord asking for money, or the next door neighbours asking to borrow spices or tools! It’s neither. A man in his late 20’s or early 30’s. Immediately I think of charity, or maybe even some sort of religious recruiter.
“Hi I’m your neighbour from upstairs, my name is C.” [name withheld] , he says.
“I thought we could talk. After all, in these times when everybody isolates themselves and we’re alone it’s good to talk.”
I’m not sure what’s going on.
Upstairs neighbour?
I wasn’t playing music. I wasn’t making any loud noises. We’re not that loud usually and I had gotten home a short while ago.

My mind working extra fast to come up with a reasonable guess as to why this man is down here, I notice him eagerly waiting at the door so I invite him to come in . He’s jittery. Some of his sentences are incoherent. There are long pauses followed by a flurry of words. I notice he’s not wearing a jacket and from the type of clothes he is wearing, it doesn’t look like he could be coming from the cold outside. So, I believe him. There’s an awkward silence, and he begins.
“Can I read you something?”. And I notice he has a notebook with him.
“When I finish, you may think I’m crazy. You may dislike me. But please listen.” This makes me very curious. And I reassure him and ask him to read me what it is he has with him.
C has a very odd style of writing. Some sentences are well written, yet some sound like they’ve been written by a high schooler and some don’t make much sense to me. He has written about how he wants to be normal and have a job. But nobody will keep him on the job for long. How he dislikes it, but can’t help it. The passage was short, but it gives me some insight into what’s bothering him.

…to be continued

School starts, and I don’t do anything. I just plot out grand schemes in my head; finish this task that I didn’t do last term, start that project, do this more regularly, do that on time, etc!
And now once again I’m in panic attack territory. A good number of assignments coming up, reading to be done, and still making those great plans in my head. I’ll learn one day, but for the time being, I’ll continue chasing the deadlines.

I’ve added a Tune of the Week section. Just for kicks… but hopefully it’ll be fun for other poeple as well. I also added new wallpapers to the site. I’m planning some changes to things around here, but I’ll do that after my workload is a little bit lighter. I’m adding more links to the links page, just a few sites that I think are interesting.

-ciao

It’s a month later, and so much has happened. I don’t know where to begin….
Well, exams ended December 18 (well, 19 really) and I was done with yet another term and another set of marks to expect!
I had an amazing time during the break. I almost did all I wanted to do… everything was perfect and I enjoyed every day of the break.
And when I wasn’t having fun, I was geeking it out!!
I watched a very interesting program on String Theory at PBS. And I know I’ve mentioned this to almost everyone I’ve met since, but it’s a very good program that I recommend to anyone interested in science and little bit of philosophy. They look at the whole thing from a very high level perspective.
I’ve become very interested in the topic and I’m going to do some readings on the subject the first chance I get. Unfortunately, there’s always other work that demands immediate attention.

I’m planning on updating the site more freqeuntly and I also have a few changes in mind that I will put in place soon. But for now, this is it. Oh, and I also put my schedule (tentative) up.